Trust in leadership. What’s the problem and how can I fix it?

I was thinking this week about loneliness in Leadership, after attending a Compassion in Politics seminar, and it struck me that one aspect of feeling lonely as a leader is that we don’t know who we can Trust.

And the higher you get, the more isolated you feel.   You can be surrounded by people, but if you don’t trust them, you can’t share your thoughts and build deep connection. Many of the coaching conversations I have with leaders bring implications of "it's tough at the top, you can't trust anyone".

But distrust causes issues. When we distrust someone, we go into self-protection mode. When you fear that someone will mishandle, damage, lose, destroy, steal or exploit whatever you shared with them, you look to PROTECT yourself.

The PROTECTION strategies are really what cause the damage – they get in the way of being able to effectively work together.  You might notice yourself moving into resistance, withholding, avoiding, arguing, ignoring, or even attacking. None of these behaviours make for great leadership!

What I've learned is that, as humans, we tend to all-or-nothing thinking. We experience a behaviour that sets off alarm bells and we decide that we can't trust someone. Full stop.

But actually Trust is made up of component parts, and a person may not be untrustworthy in all ways. Trust is built when people consistently show they Care, are Sincere, Reliable and Competent.

For example, your experience of someone turning up late might cause you to believe you can't trust them, but actually they just need to work on reliability. They might be feeling like nobody would notice. They might be seeing role models who are also unreliable! When you focus on the components of trust, you can identify what needs to be worked on, so that trust can be built.

Great leadership requires us to be curious and to avoid falling into all-or-nothing thinking. And to thrive as leaders, we need connection and support.

The first step might be to think about your own relationship with Trust. Do you trust easily (before there's evidence) and then feel very hurt when trust is broken? Do you feel like someone needs to prove they are trustworthy before you can trust them?

Interestingly, the research shows that we tend to judge others to be less trustworthy than ourselves. Which means that others are likely to be judging YOU too.

As a leader, focus on building the trust that others have in you, by working on showing that you care, you're sincere (and do what you say you will, or apologise if you can't), you're reliable and you're competent. You can build levels of trust around you, with your own role-modelling behaviour.

And if there's a low level of trust in your organisation, start with looking at how much trust you're placing in others, and explore those components of trust, to see where you can start to change the culture.

If you like this blog, and would like more support around the challenges of Compassionate Leadership, join my Monthly (Wednesday Midday) Compassionate Leadership Circle