Want to be a compassionate leader? Here’s why you might struggle

(First published August 2022)

It’s accepted wisdom that Compassionate Leadership starts on the inside.

But most people stumble at this first hurdle.

Why is that?

According to a study in the US, 76% of subjects found it easier to send out compassion to others, than to turn it towards themselves.

So you'd think we'd all find it easy to be compassionate leaders if we’re better at showing compassion for others?!

But that's not what we see.

There are so many examples of bullying, combative, divided cultures in the workplace, and in our politics all around the world. If you reflect on your own behaviour, despite your best intentions you may even notice that sometimes you’re abrupt, sharp or unthinking.

Why is that?

What’s less obvious, is that when you learn to be more self-compassionate, your capacity for being compassionate to others increases. 

By being more in touch with your own struggles, you tend to be more ready to see and accept the difficulties of others. By being more able to cope with difficulty and failure, you tend to be more encouraging and supportive of others who struggle and fail. It has a ripple effect.

Learning to be self-compassionate helps you to be a more compassionate leader.

But something I’ve noticed in the literature about compassionate leadership is that it’s rarely acknowledged how difficult most people find it, to learn to be compassionate to themselves. 

In my opinion, this is the biggest stumbling block to changing the culture of leadership.

Why do you find it hard?

Partly because your primitive brain is hard-wired for survival, rather than happiness, so your focus is more on seeing danger, than soothing and supporting yourself.

But also because the accepted wisdom is that it's selfish, self-absorbed and lazy to be self-compassionate. Your brain will throw up all sorts of reasons why being self-supporting or kind to yourself isn't a good idea.

"What would your colleagues, or parents think?!" “I will be taking away from my children!”

In my opinion, it's helpful to get all your reservations about self-compassion out on the table, so that you can examine them.

The research shows us that all these fears about compassion are unfounded.

Instead of making you lazy and navel-gazing, the skills of self-compassion make you more motivated, more willing to try new things and deal with failure, better able to resolve conflicts, and better able to relate to the struggles of other humans.

At times like this, when the world is divided and dealing with multiple threats, being better able to relate to the struggles of other beings, including our planet, is a leadership super-power. It's what the world needs.

Your leadership journey starts on the inside. It’s time to embrace the super-powers of self-compassion.

To explore how I can help you to cultivate self-compassion, and grow your skills as a compassionate leader book a call.